The Threepenny Opera: and what I missed

I'm looking over the flickr account of Pomona College's "Threepenny Opera". Two people from the Hooligans are in it, so of course I'm going to see it to support them. Plus, I haven't been to an official Pomona play in so long.

I wanted to be part of a musical while I was in college. I did. I have now turned my back completely on theater, musical and otherwise. And I'm okay with it.

Truly, college is made for finding what you want to do with your life. People who are in plays, most of the time, WANT to be actors in some circumstance. I had a lot of fun in high school. I was a drama kid, the leader of the weirdos and large parts in most of the plays. I thought I would have some theater experience in college as well. Hell, I thought I was going to be a drama minor. Oopsie.

I guess I'm slowly figuring out wat I want to do with my life. I applied for an internship at NARAL pro-choice California. They contacted me back. I may be working in San Francisco this summer. I might be working in New York. I might sob quietly into my pillow if I don't get a job.

The real world fast approaches.

And Now I'm Back, from Outer Space!

After a long absence, here I am again, to save the day, so less than five people can keep up with my life and my goings on!

Scotland was an experience. But that experience is over. I am now back in sunny (well, not quite so sunny right now, now it's more grey and menacing) California, in the midst of Humans Versus Zombies, and looking for internships/what I want to do with my liiiiife. Extra I's are warranted.

Wish me luck, comrades.

Going abroad!

Follow me at http://callieinedinburgh.blogspot.com/

:D

I've been really scared lately.

Mostly: I'm scared of things that straight up don't exist.

Ghosts. Zombies. Serial killers. Pazuzu. Samara. That woman from the Grudge.

I know it's just projecting my fear. I'm scared of a lot of things. A lot of real, tangible things.

I'm scared that the boyfriend will lose interest in me. I'm scared of being homesick in Scotland. I'm scared that I'll lose all my friends. I'm scared that my brother will absolutely flounder without his parents or his sister.

I'm scared that I might go to Australia this summer, and will have to repeat the process ALL OVER AGAIN. I know I should be pumped about that. I'm SUPER PUMPED it's even a possibility. I could be an intern for one of Sydney's most famous lawyers. HOW GOOD would that look on my resume?

But I just don't want to lose what I have. I love what I have.

I hope I'll still have it.

Things I Have to Do Before My Ferrin Adventooore:

1) Pack

2) Get a Suitcase

3) Pack again

4) See people

5) Take pictures of said people

6) See the boyfriend for the last time for a while

I have to see..18 people before I go. At least. I know I'm going to have an adventure, and I'm never going to forget this experience, but it just sucks that I'm not going to be there this semester. I'm actually sad, yet so freaking pumped at the same time.

I know there will be skype and letters and other things, but it's still a little scary. I guess I'm just having pre-departure anxiety.

Yikes.

The summer's ending. When the patoot did that happen?

Now, Scotland is more than just a dream. I have to think about packing. I have to think about my classes. I have to put my most sociable face forward and make as many friends and have as many scottish experiences as I can. I need to take pictures of sheep, and tag them as members of the Ninth Street Hooligans. I need to send postcards.

I know I'm probably not going to do half the things I think I'm going to do, but I want to try.

I've also had a new lease on life. I know. Revelations.

Whenever someone cuts in front of me in a lane, I get angry. But then, instinctively, I say "it's alright, Land Rover. I forgive you."

I find myself looking at people and events through a different set of eyes. I don't hold onto bitterness as tightly as I used to. I think all the prophets have been having an effect on me (yes, religious studies again, but I'm serious. I'm reading the bible again.). Mostly Paul, and yes, Jesus. I'm not going to be born-again. Let me say that. I'm not suddenly going to think that Christ is Lord above all others and by following Him my soul would be saved, and start going to church. I respect others who believe that and do that. I just don't. That's not who I am.

I see the beauty of Jesus's words, and the heartwarming messages of Corinthians. I see the fierceness of Kali and the magnificence of Shiva. I can see why some people see Moroni as the one who led the way to the golden plates, and why some people believe Allah revealed the Koran to Muhammad.

BASICALLY

I've accepted the messages of religion (love thy neighbor, build a community, be charitable towards others). Being a major in this field has opened me up to differing ideologies, and also has led me to see the inherent drives that all people have. The big questions are answered in different, beautiful ways.

And I've been cleaning.

What's up with that.

I've been thinking a lot about my twenties, and how I imagined them as a pre-teen. As a twelve year old on the brink of puberty, you start to think ahead to when that awful, awful period will be over--and look forward to adulthood. It's like when you're six, you look at the eighth graders, and you wonder how you'll ever get that big.

When I was thirteen, I saw me at a college back east, with my long braids all pinned up, my hair darkening on its own, reading books while the snow swirled outside. I didn't think I'd be in Claremont, of all places. My cousin went there. I would go on her coast. I would major in pre-law and go to a top tier law school. I'd find a sensitive boy with glasses who liked books and cartoons.

Boy aside, I'm radically different than all these ideas. I'm in sunny Scripps, I have a somewhat-bob and dye the sweet baby krishna out of it, am majoring in religious studies, and have legit no idea where I'm going in my life.

That may sound negative, but it's not.

I didn't think I'd live the life I live.

have the (wonderful, giving, saintly) friends I have.

have experienced beautiful experiences.

be majoring in RELIGIOUS STUDIES.

BE GOING TO EDINBURGH.

You never estimate where you'll be in ten years. You can't. A lot can happen in a month, let alone a decade.

I have never decided to seize years so I don't forget them: photographing, scrapbooking, documenting. I've decided now.

This is the time when I make it out in the world, sink or swim. This is the last hurrah of individual-hood if you choose to get married and/or have kids. These are the last years one gets to be completely selfish. Soon, people will depend on you as a role model and depend on you for livelihood. You can bet your sweet patoot I'm going to do memorable things.

Now to sleep, in the summer, in my young adulthood, where I don't have to get up until 2:30 PM.