It...was...okay?
Let me rephrase. All the scenes without our protagonists, Edward and Bella, were kinda good. The opening scene was well shot, built up the proper amount of tension, and, for Twilight, was brilliant. From that opening, I had hope for this movie. As it is with every Twilight movie, I had hoped that the screenwriter had actually changed key elements of the story, making it actually interesting and fun to watch.
She didn't. Tragedy.
The last movie ended with Edward asking Bella to marry him. The next begins with them in a field of flowers (AGAIN), Edward sparkling more than a gay man at Pride, and Bella saying, surprisingly, "No."
Victory for reason! Of course she doesn't want to get married, she's only 18! She hasn't gone to college, gotten a real job, lived by herself, done her own taxes, made out with a stranger, ended up hella crossfaded at a random street corner with scantily dressed people eating a bacon wrapped hot dog, clutching an amulet named Stuart (nicknamed BoBo) reassuringly while humming the soprano part to "Police and the Private" more loudly than she should--
"Change me."
Bella wants to be changed into a vampire so she'll be with Edward forever and ever until the apocalypse.
She's not going to marry him until she can become a vampire too. When asked why, she doesn't say, she just nuzzles up to that uncomfortable marble chest of his on which she rests her chin. Upon watching, I realized what this movie was truly about.
It's really all about sex.
Bella wants it so badly from Edward that she's willing to sacrifice everything she is, everything she knows, and everyone she loves to get it. Edward refuses to have sex with Bella because he was really lusting after Jasper all along and vampires can't get it up that requires bloodflow
it's a "modern phenomenon", and he's afraid about her "virtue" (more on that later). Jacob is thinking about it ALL THE TIME, as evidenced by the hilariously awkward tent scene, and says he's perfect for her, because, really, he wants to get in her pants. For the love of pie, both Bella and Jacob are only eighteen and seventeen, and what else are you thinking about at that age?
Disclaimer: not everyone thinks about sex all the time. It might just be me.
Of course, the rest of the movie passes by creepily with the obvious Edward clinginess and, yes, abuse, even more unsettling than in the book. Jacob forces himself on Bella, saying, again, "YOU LOVE ME AND YOU KNOW IT." Bella is only an automaton, depending on the men in her life to make all the decisions for her. I'm not sure why this is appealing to thousands of girls who love these books, but for some reason, it's just the bees knees. She wants to please people, doing what other people tell her to do. There is a certain security in that, but it's nothing to aspire to.
I long for the days of Harry Potter. Women in those books, while flawed, were real. Hermione was a dork with frizzy hair and big front teeth, but brilliant. Tonks came from a family who hated her, but still married the man she loved and had a happy life, albeit a short one. Minerva McGonagall was a grade A BAMF. They are all different, but they are all smart, confident women.
In Twilight, you have three or four options if you're privileged enough to be a woman in this series. The vapid fashion addict (Alice), the bitch with baby rabies (Rosalie), the bitch who longs after an unattainable male (Lea), or the person who stays with their abuser because "he didn't mean it" (Bella, Emily). While this could be attributed to SMeyer's piss poor writing, it's a dangerous example for women to emulate.
And speaking of women's rights, since when is Edward's era romantic? For all the talk of old-school romance, chaperoned walks, and stealing kisses every now and then, he forgets to mention that women were seen as property. They couldn't vote, couldn't work, couldn't walk where they wanted, hell, some couldn't even speak without getting male permission.
The one point of the movie that I actually liked, besides the action scenes (which were not bad), was the relationship between Jasper and Alice. There was sone genuine tenderness between those two actors, and you could tell that they were very much in love. Edward and Bella looked just as uncomfortable as when they first met in the biology lab. The best part? It only took one scene.
Also, Taylor Lautner. He just tries so hard.
